Beloved Palm - Kevan Smith

“Get out of my way” gruffed the mountain as he barged through the shopping mall, forcing his trolley past and through a gathering. “Fucking tourists. Don’t just stand there chatting, this is for walking not for standing around chatting. Haven’t you all got places to be instead of in my way?”

“Well, I never” bustled the older lady, trying to manoeuvre her shopping cast out of the way, only to have it jag into his path and force it into his gut.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, ya bitch, you did that on purpose!” His goods tumbled into each other with the six-pack crashing on his eggs, flattening the whole box.

“Oh dear, I hope you like gritty scrambled eggs for supper?” She giggles as she bounced her trolley out of the way.

“Shit!”

“There, there, darling. It’ll strain out. Now stop being so rude and go back to your ute. Your dog must be missing you. Or, is he happier when your smell isn’t filling his nose?”

“Look lady, I came here to do shopping and not to be smart mouthed by some fat, old, tart. Never have I met such a bitch.”

“Well, then you should get out more. There’s lots of friends out here who will insult you.”

His face beet rooted, with eyes bulging, as he raised his dinner-plate hand towards her.

“Officer, I don’t know what happened, we were having such a friendly chat and he seemed to react badly to a beloved palm that I showed him. Perhaps the trolley bounding into his groin just before had an effect as well. But I really can’t say what made the dear fellow crumple onto the ground.”