Ricci Schwarzler - Son

She walked into the room, and I instantly disliked her. There's nothing wrong with judging a book by its cover… sometimes. She was my son’s new girlfriend. He is 32 and she looked somewhat older than I think her real age was. She had quite a haggard look in my mind, but maybe that's what I wanted her to look like. She was medium height, medium build, with medium coloured hair and a medium looking face. So, in other words she was nothing special.

I stared at her from behind the vase of flowers on the kitchen bench. I suppose I'll have to come out and meet her and look like I'm happy about this. Gazing between the white Orientals I could see that she was already sizing up the house. My husband stood up and went to shake her hand as our son introduced her and she grabbed him and planted a kiss right on his mouth. Oh my god what is this for a creature. My husband was surprised to say the least but my son didn't even notice even though he was staring straight at them. It appears that this is quite normal in their relationship and it's not that I'm a prude but I do think it's a bit weird.

I stepped out from behind the vase and walked around the bench. Interestingly when our son introduced me, she didn't plant a kiss on my lips, but put out her hand and shook it. Hmm this is just backing up my opinion.

For the remainder of the day she poked around the house, around the yard, asked us lots of questions about what we did, how much things cost, and where we travel to. She even went into the garage, and I can only assume that she was checking out what sort of cars we drove. She fussed over my son and my husband but ignored me.

Numerous times I caught her staring at my husband in a delving way. During lunch I would catch her also staring at me. It was that deep stare that some people do whilst they try to work out what sort of personality you are and what they may or may not be able to get out of you. She was sizing us up to decide if pursuing our son was going to be worth it.

We sat out by the pool under the large umbrella, because the sun was beating down so intensely that I could feel the skin cancers multiplying, cheering, and encouraging more of their friends to find a place on my skin that would suit them the best.

The creature giggled, flicked her hair and had her claws well planted into my son's flesh and emotions.

Everything she said had to be impressive. Everything was premeditated. I could see her calculating the reaction she received from everything she uttered. It was quite impressive really; she was almost like a robot that uses it system to analyse all the data it sees.

However, she was not going to use our son as a piece of her data, so I decided that talking to him would be futile because he was so oblivious and so gullible to her pathetic transparent personality.

I thought the best way to resolve this matter was to fight fire with fire. I brought up the subject of my sister who had left all her money and possessions to her church. A lovely thing to do if you're a Christian I suppose. When our son walked away to get some more drinks I continued on that vein and explained how we were leaving our money and our possessions to the Lost Donkeys Home. Her face took on a nano expression of surprise which of course my husband missed but it was there, I saw it. I knew I had her in my claws now. I continued on, laughing and chatting and explaining how the lost donkeys needed so much help and how our money and our properties would assist in their lifelong journeys to wherever it is that lost donkeys go. Luckily my husband is somewhat deaf and just sat there smiling and nodding his head, which of course meant that she thought he was in total agreeance with the plan. I went on to explain that we were already giving them great wads of money every year, because our son didn't need it, and he was happy with a very simple life and was making his own way in the world. As the discussion went along, she became more agitated and of course that made me push the topic even more. I was having a wonderful time. I babbled on further about the Lost Donkeys and how they struggle with directions. 

When my son came back to the table with the drinks, she was contemplative. She had lost her bubbly enthusiastic personality. She was thinking and weighing up if even the rest of this afternoon was worth her while.

I could see that my son was concerned for her because she was no longer flicking her hair and laughing excessively, nor was she touching his face continuously, looking deeply into his eyes, hugging him and brushing back his hair from his face and of course that old chestnut, picking bits of fluff from his shoulder. My smile was broadening, I was having trouble keeping it under control. I told it to get back or it would give the game away.

Within approximately 20 minutes she made an excuse to leave. My son was confused and said he thought she was staying the night. She promptly gaslighted him and said that she didn't know where he got that idea from and that she was very busy and had to head off to another party. My son appeared stunned and confused.

I showed her to the front door and then she walked off without saying goodbye I walked up to her and said ‘Oh goodbye Kelly it was so lovely to meet you and see straight through you. And to see what a conniving, manipulative creature you are, and I'm sure you do what are you doing no muppetarling, you don't get to my age without being able to see-through someone as transparent as you. Goodbye and good luck finding the next sucker who will fall for your tricks. Of course there’ll always be one, and I hope you have a thoroughly miserable life.’

She stared at me in utter disbelief. I flicked my hair off my shoulder turned on my heels and walked straight back into the house and as I walked up the path and without turning around I stuck my hand in the air with one finger pointing to the sky.

I went back to the pool and our son was swimming around happy and chatting to his father.

I said, ‘You seem happy’, and his father smiled.

Our son said, ‘Well mum I was just telling dad how she was such a succubus and I couldn't stand her anymore. When she kissed Dad straight on the lips it made my skin crawl, and she did this creepy thing where stared into people. It was like she was working out what made them tick and how she could have some of it!  I just realised I had to get out of it. I was going to leave it until tomorrow but for some reason she went today, I'm so relieved.’

Then my husband added…’Yes I thought she was horrid, and I was so glad when you told her we are leaving everything to the Lost Donkeys…where on earth did you get that one from?’

What Darlings. I grabbed them both and planted big kisses on both their cheeks!!!