Stalk Shinpads for Stoats - Kevan Smith

Rustle, bustle, muscle.

“Got to push through all this undergrowth.”

Bartholomew winces over the sharp rocks, as prickles and thorns hit him in the legs.

“Got to find more smelly things.”

Getting hungry now, he bustles and scuffles his way through the long-grassed paddock.  Another prick on his legs makes him yelp and dance just as he picks up the scent of something moving up ahead, someone to eat.

“Yep, that smells great!”

A caterpillar, maybe a mantis, anything, as he yelps yet again at another prickle scraping his legs.

Licking his paws, he burps down the last of the caterpillar, squishing green goo all along his whiskers.

“Yummy, love them squishy ones “as he cleans the last whisker and licks his paws. “What’s that?”

Bartholomew sniffs at small tubes, parts of a broken flower stalk.

“Mmmmmm.” He chews the ends.

“Yes, they’re hollow, triffic.  Leg protectors just for me.  Just what I need.” 

He props up next to a large rock. 

“Ohh, warmmm…..lovely”, as he rests his back. 

Measuring them for length, he chews the ends knibbling off the nub, looks down the tube and bitingly adjusts them repeatedly until each one is just right.  He blows hard, just to clear, sniffs and blows again.

“Goodo” he giggles as he holds his toes and claws in tight, squeezing them down each tube.  His toes squish down and wriggle and claw themselves further and further til they poke out of each end.  He wiggles each toe as he waves them out the end of the shinpad.  Taking them back off again, he bites them in half so he has an upper and lower stalk pad to let his knees bend fully. 

He struts around the dirt floor and rushes at prickles and thorns to make sure they work as he wants them.

Now he sniffs around and finds a large, strong leaf.  Chewing near the top and bottom edge, he squeezes his head through the hole and pushes it along his body to his back legs.  The second hole he wriggles his front legs and head through with the thick leaf rim holding the leaf on tight.  Now, he has protection along the whole of his underbelly.

“Ohhhh, look at me, ready for battle, ready to run and jump and pounce on lots of lovely stuff to eat.  Now those beetles n bugs n lizards n stuff can’t bite me but I can race around and not be prickled and poked.”